I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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