you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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