It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
