Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
