he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
