If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
