yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
