it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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