While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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