Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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