i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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