So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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