I think I died a long time ago.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
