The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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