hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
