I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
