Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
