It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
