She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
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I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
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I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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