so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
