You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
