he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
