I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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