so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
