Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he fucked my hip out of place.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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