i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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