Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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