I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
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