I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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