Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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