i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
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Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
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So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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