My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
