his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
