the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize