Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
