We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
