She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
