does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
