I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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