The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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