actually, I'm a sock model
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Randomize
