Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
