I'm gonna have a badass scar
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
