I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
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