Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
