id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
