dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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