i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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