roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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