My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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