Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
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