You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
