Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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