i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
