Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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