Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
