Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
