First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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