After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
