His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
