there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
3pm strippers are depressing
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize