Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
