Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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