So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
