Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
