WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
i think im in europe. pls send help
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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