I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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