good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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