Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
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You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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