woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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