he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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