Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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