the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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