Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just invented taco cereal.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
