I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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