You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
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I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
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I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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