she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
