You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
