Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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