you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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