You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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