If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
