if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
