think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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