Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize