I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
this will be a night to untag.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
