so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
