Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
love makes seman taste better
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
