I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
